Your journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s journey
Yesterday I turned 30. Milestone birthday celebrated in a fitting way. I woke up with a really bad hangover yesterday that had me semi comatose in bed for half the day. I had all the great plans. I was gonna have brunch in Camps Bay befitting a 30 year old. I think it was one shot from my last night as a 29yr old that pinned me down in bed for half the day. LOL No better way to know you’re NOT 19 anymore!
Anyway, yesterday I made sure to drink like a 30yr old and go to bed at a decent time so I could wake up feeling human today cos I don’t think Airbnb hosts care that you’re hungover at check-out time hey. So I was up at a good time feeling rested and definitely better than yestermorning and I thought ah, I am doing 30 better already. Look at me!
Anyway, birthdays are always showered with love from family and friends for me. I am beyond grateful for the love I was shown yesterday and now that all the birthday craze has died down and most importantly, I am sober now I’m now doing an internal inventory, reflection on the past decade of sorts.
My 20s were very challenging to say the least. I left Instagram cos it made me feel like a loser. Comparison really IS a thief of joy. You show off your new, shiny little toy on your little Instagram account and someone posts their bigger, shinier new toy and it’s all grey clouds and heavy rains on your side for the rest of the day or even longer. I remember feeling like a royal f’n failure on my 29th birthday’s eve and because I’ve learnt to never accept any thought and/or feeling as fact without challenging it I interrogated what was informing that feeling. And yes, you guessed it- Instagram! I didn’t have that fancy car someone on my timeline had so I was definitely a failure. Bs. Took me a while to close my account cos social media people really want us to live our happily ever after on their damn apps so they make it near impossible to close some accounts.
I pushed hard until my account was deleted and closed and I told myself at 29 I was forcing myself to focus on myself and myself only. Listen, I am doing pretty good hey. Note that I said good not better because I am no longer comparing myself to anyone. If I had to compare I’d say I am doing SO much better today than I was a year ago. THAT is the only comparison I care about now. I know better so I should definitely be doing better by now AND actually, I am.
People celebrate different things on their 30th birthdays. I am not concerned about anyone else’s life at this point. I survived major depression in my 20s, got into bad debt which I managed to pay off before my birthday, phew! I entered my 30s a debt free girlie. That was honestly one of the proudest moments of my short life! I looked at my journey and I felt immense pride and gratitude for making it here! It was a bumpy ride but well worth it in hindsight.
I long gave myself permission to make mistakes in life. Isn’t that how we grow?! I made so many of those in my 20s. I am just happy I never got married and/or had a baby. LOL I definitely want none of that so shout out to me for sticking to my guns and speaking out even when my voice was shaking.
Well done, baby. I love you and I am most proud of you. You are thirty now. Beat the odds to make it here! Very well done. Now let’s rock the 30s!
I am home within myself.
