Turns out I am THE ONE…

Hmm it’s been a while since I last blogged. Getting my writing out there has slowly gone down my list of priorities. I no longer care for the world reading my work as much as I used to when I was younger. Now I am my primary audience for my writing which is why I now write more in my journal and notes app than I do here.

I suppose there is a time and season for everything. This is my season of cocooning, hibernating. When I was younger I wanted to be a famous writer. Now I just want to write simply cos I enjoy it. Anyone else enjoying something I wrote is now a bonus and not the goal. Anyway I just had a thought I felt like sharing with an audience of more than one hence me being here.

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. I am so glad whirlwind is an actual word we have because nothing could better describe the past two weeks than that. I met an amazing guy, agreed to be his girlfriend then quickly broke up with him and blocked him everywhere all in the space of two weeks. LOL

It was a whirlwind I’m telling you. I’ve been reflecting on that encounter as fast and short-lived as it was and what it means for me. I don’t believe anything is random so him coming into my life was not random. The eventual thoughts from that experience are what have made me remember I even have a blog!

Before I met my late boyfriend I knew without a shadow of doubt that I wanted a boyfriend. I felt lonely and I was convinced a boyfriend would fix that. When my late boyfriend came into my life there was space carved out for him. However that’s not the case in 33yr old Sanele’s life.

My life right now is full to the brim. I like to joke that my late boyfriend left behind a void in the shape of a dog. So you give me a dog, you fill that void. So unlike my 25yr old self who met my angel man Tshego, I hadn’t been yearning for a boyfriend. In fact, I had been thinking of consciously being single until maybe my forties.

Society makes finding this elusive “THE ONE” seem like a prerequisite for a happy and full life. If you are my age and still single you are considered to be in some waiting room of sorts waiting for “Mr Right” to find you so your life can begin. I think that’s bs.

I realised last year that because of society’s messaging, I had parked certain things I wanted to do for until I had a boyfriend again. I’m SO glad I had that realisation cos on that very same day I gave myself permission to stop waiting for a man who wasn’t even promised to me to show up and just live my life. If we follow each other on instagram that would explain why I just (seemingly) randomly just started going to dance music gigs even by myself.

I gave myself permission to live my life. There is NOTHING in my life that is dependant on some man I don’t even know yet to show up. If I want to have fun, I have my full permission to have that fun NOW by myself. Basically I quit postponing my life and decided to live NOW. Turns out I don’t need a man to live my life. I am happy. I am deeply satisfied. I am content with my life.

This whirlwind guy showed me a sketch of the home he wants for him and his wife. I thought that was nice in the same way I find my neighbour’s child getting a job nice. It’s nice but it has nothing to do with me. Inspired by that showing-of-sketch-of-his-dream-home-for-him-and-his-wife I wrote in my journal that “I don’t care for a man’s dreams cos I have my own.”

This has been quite a revelation for me. I haven’t been seriously trying to date since the last guy I met sometime last year that I really liked so I wasn’t entirely sure how deep this contentment with being single was. I am happily single. I didn’t realise how happy I was being single until I met this whirlwind guy.

Usually when I meet such a brilliant guy, I am DYING to have them. That’s been because for the longest time I felt like I was missing things that other people outside of me could give me. See when I met Tshego I felt lonely and I wanted a boyfriend to fill that. Now I genuinely have no use for a romantic partner. I don’t feel like there is anything missing in my life that a romantic partner would fill.

I have curated the most beautiful life for myself. I am happy with my life exactly as it is. There is SO much love in my life from my friends, my family and my late boyfriend’s family- yes, they are still in my life. I just feel so incredibly loved, so incredibly blessed. There is SO much love in my life! Even when I don’t feel like talking to one person, there is someone else to talk to.

I also enjoy living with my dog SO much. Oh wait, if you only hear from me from my blog you won’t know I got another dog. I got another dog. His name is River and he is the best thing to happen to me!

I am writing this post cos I don’t know enough women who are single BY CHOICE. Most single women I know are indeed waiting for that elusive “ THE ONE.” I know single women who genuinely feel like their lives have not begun and will only begin the day they get married. Isn’t that sad? To put your life on hold for something that isn’t even guaranteed? If marriage was a necessity for life we would all be GUARANTEED romantic partners. No?

I have reached a space in my life where there is zero need for a romantic partner. My idea of love has grown so much these past few years I have realised that love is love. The love I get from my dog is no different from the love I get from human beings. Love is love. My life is filled to the brim with love and none of it from a romantic partner. I think I previously wanted a boyfriend simply cos I had one before not cos I actually wanted one now.

I don’t see how romantic love would be any better than the love I get from my friends and my nieces. I’m just so happy and SO loved! This idea of an elusive “THE ONE” suggests that that one person will meet all your needs. What a burden to place on one relationship! No one person can be your everything? Your needs will be met just not by one person.

Right now ALL my needs are met. ALL of them. Just not by one person. And maybe that is what has freed me from the pressure of meeting that one special person who is supposedly going to fix my life. LOL I still meet random men here and there to meet my sexual needs (I’m very human!) but honestly that’s really it. Apart from that I have no real need for ONE man to commit to me forever. And omg, there is an abundance of d*cks in the world, you don’t need to be in a relationship to get one.

So I guess this is me coming out with my decision to stay single. There isn’t anything I feel like I’m lacking that only a man I’m in a romantic relationship with can fill. I still like going on dates here and there but I’m not really available for a committed relationship. Turns out I am THE ONE for Sanele. I am the love of my life. There isn’t anyone outside of me that I need to live a happy and full life. My life right now IS happy and full! I am immensely in love with it.

When I was younger I wanted a man so he could help me financially. I’m now doing ok financially so I don’t even need a man for that anymore. I’m happy. Contented and I thank God that he finds ME as a single, childfree woman worthy. God doesn’t look for the man of the house when he visits my home. He comes to MY home for ME. How excellent!

I am enough. I am worthy. I am content with my dog. Turns out that’s all Sanele needs to thrive- a dog. Man. I am SO happy! I have been celebrating since I broke up with whirlwind guy. Relationships now require way more from me than I am willing to give. I am worthy of my love. I am worthy of my affection. I am worthy of my time. I am worthy of my energy. I am worthy of my attention so I am really 100% focusing on myself.

I will still meet guys for flings, I love those. But I am not opening up myself to a committed relationship. I have no space for that in my life right now. My life is too full and relationships are too consuming. I’m very selfish with Sanele right now. I am saving the best of me for me.

I have been contemplating starting a writing series about my dating life in Johannesburg. I think it’s really interesting. It’s been interesting meeting guys that I tell upfront that I don’t want a relationship. A part of me wishes I had told whirlwind guy that. I was confused by his brilliance. I thought his brilliance would make space for him in my life, turns out Sanele at 33 is too in love with her own brilliance to be so moved by another’s brilliance. Seems like no amount of brilliance is enough for me to make space in my full life. I don’t want to change anything about my life. I love it as it is. Ain’t that a thing!!!

Man, I am so happy. The two seconds I was in that relationship I was already compromising way more than I have in the past three years. You know when you are single and childfree and live with your dog like I do you NEVER have to compromise?! For real. I never, ever have to compromise. I am always doing exactly what I want when I want. I eat what I want, watch and listen to what I want, it’s always about ME ME ME ME ME and I hurt no one in the process.

I am surrounded by married people with kids so trust me I know how good I have it! It’s so f’n great sometimes I’m scared I’ll wake up to find it’s all a dream. It feels too good to be true but it is my lived reality. I love my life so damn much and I wouldn’t give it up for anything!

My life is happy and full. All my needs are met but by different people. And I think this is exactly how life should be. MAYBE someday I will want someone to share all this goodness with, only then will I open myself up to a partner. Until then, I will be out here enjoying my own presence, attention, energy, efforts, love…. everything!!

Ah. I am THE ONE for Sanele. Ain’t that a thing!!