The one who came with music.

He’s playing music for us on the pink Bluetooth speaker he got me to match his. I watch him dance through the glass door between us. I’m in the shower, he’s in the bathroom because I asked him to come in and wait for me while I shower. I miss him sometimes when I’m in the shower so occasionally I request that arrangement. We talk, laugh, listen to music, dance and laugh some more.

He’s in a good mood. That particular song reminds him of growing up in Johannesburg. He dances to it with a smile on his face that tells me that song takes him back to some fun times in his life. It reminds him of a friend from High School, he says. They used to listen to it together in hostel, he says. I smile and dance along.

I think back to the beginning of our relationship. How much music he introduced me to. And how I used to fall asleep to one of his favorite songs when I was in hospital back in 2016. That song brought me so much comfort in a very dark time in my life. I slept in one of his old sweaters, listening to one of his favorite songs. It brought me so much comfort I’d forget about the temporary hell I was in and sleep.

I won’t lie and say I didn’t listen to music before he came along. I did. I just got a new found appreciation for music when he came along. He’s a bit of an old soul. He appreciates soulful jazz and R&B music which I wouldn’t necessarily randomly choose to listen to. It’s mostly music he grew up listening to which means it was the grown ups in his life who loved that music which would grow on him and lead him to discover more music in those genres.

I lie and say his music is depressing. It’s mostly slow, low tempo, soulful music. Deep in the throes of depression I liked all black clothes, dark rooms and that kind of music. It’s not depressing. I just liked it in a dark time in my life so that music transports me back to that which is why I don’t like it. But it is good music. Beautiful music. I listen to house music to remind myself that I love my life. Sometimes though when I’m feeling a bit low I’ll listen to his music because I miss him. It makes him feel closer.

I don’t think I can accurately describe how it feels to have a relationship filled with SO much music. We share an Apple music account so I know there is PLENTY music here. It feels a lot like happiness, a feathery lightness, the high that comes from just letting loose and dancing. You know, joy.

He’s experienced one of the worst tragedies I could not even imagine happening to anyone I know. He’s been cracked wide open but it’s not just pain in there. There’s also joy. So much joy. It is not a spoken joy. However it is a joy that has become synonymous with music and dance in his life and by extension in my life.

I am so happy, so thankful for this man who came with music.

I wrote this listening to uThando by Soa Mattrix, Soulful G feat. Shaun 101. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB1TERquEYI cos I love me some him.