The day of reckoning

I wrote about a dangerous man in my previous post and I had to reflect on it and sit with the discomfort until a close friend read it and told me he had found him on social media and also emailed the school he’s teaching at now. Yes, he is STILL working with minors. I cried cos my 13 year old self was being proved wrong, someone actually believed me.

I had to stay off social media while I attempted to heal my 13yr old self’s trauma the only way I knew how. I stumbled upon a post on healing that made it crystal clear that it was my time to heal that part of me.

‘Healing is a returning to the memory of wholeness’ — Feminist Rebublik

I loved that quote a lot and I wrote in my journal how healing is really a journey of remembrance. You go within not to discover new things about yourself but to remember who you are.

I learnt a lot but I’ll share a few things myself showed myself. Firstly, I cannot speak about heaven or hell let alone judgement day cos I hate anything that unnecessarily instills fear and/or anxiety in us. However, we have a conscience. All of us. And to me there is not greater heaven or hell than one’s conscience. Whatever we do, we ultimately have to live with. That’s a form of justice I can get behind. I don’t care for people’s public downfalls or punishments, not everyone gets that. But I can live with that they have to live with the evil or harm they have inflicted on others. They may seem to be getting away with murder in the moment, but their day will come. However long it takes. And THAT, I can live with.

The shame was never mine to carry. It was always his. Which is why I’m happy HE has to live with it not me. I just shifted the weight from my shoulders to his and he should rightfully carry it as he should have that dreadful day in 2003 when he spoke to me in the passage while I wore a t-shirt and panties because I was a child and didn’t realize in the eyes of that pedophile I was a grown woman, so grown he could get “groovy” with me.

Another thing, the body KNOWS how to heal itself. I thought of how even the most qualified of qualified medical doctors still cannot heal you. They can intervene with ways to help your body along but ultimately you heal yourself. The body knows how. We can research on how to support it along its journey or even seek medical assistance but the body knows and has always known how to heal itself.

I’m still processing everything else but truly, there is a day your sins will come knocking you better be ready to pay up when that day eventually comes.

I believe women.

Men who harm women and think they are getting away with it, your day is coming.