The 50 minute love affair.

I met my therapist in 2016. I’ve been her patient for 5 solid years now. I’ve grown a lot in the time I’ve been with her. She’s amazing at what she does. She gets me, loves me and supports me all within clearly marked boundaries. She was the first person to teach me about boundaries. I always thought boundaries meant I was being selfish, she corrected that real quick. I owe all I know about boundaries and my current boundaries to her.

She’s taught me that boundaries are the most loving thing one can do for their relationships. We don’t meet up outside of our sessions. I know we have a shared love for wine but we never meet up for drinks. I have her mobile number but we also don’t chat on whatsapp like BFFs. I love her dearly and it is those boundaries that have made our relationship so good. I don’t get extra time in sessions. If I’m not done I book another session with her. So instead of a 2hr session I get two separate 50 minute sessions on different days.

I’ve written about how on my best and worst days my sessions are still 50 minutes long. The day I bought my car and the day my boyfriend died I got 50 minute sessions. I love that a lot. It’s taught me so much about boundaries. If I cancel a session less than 24hrs before my appointment I’m billed for that session. All the things that used to make me upset before (boundaries) are now what I love the most about my relationship with her.

Sometimes we think we are being angels, the kindest, most loving human beings on earth by being accessible to anyone and everyone whenever it suits them even if it inconveniences us. However the resentment we feel as a result is proof that we’d do better with clear boundaries in place. I’m no longer accessible to anyone and everyone whenever it suits them. I protect my space and energy and that safeguards my relationships. My boundaries help manage what people can and cannot expect from me. I’m not Jesus savior of the world and I have no desire to be.

I have many people texting me asking how I am. I say I’m fine most of the time cos I’m not comfortable having everyone in my business. Sometimes it’s loving and well meaning friends that ask but I know they have no capacity to handle what I’m going through because I have a therapist to compare their skills to so I keep to myself. I also don’t go around asking everyone how they are because I’m just not in the space to handle that right now. These are things I’ve learnt by being in therapy consistently for 5 years.

There are people that also like to spill on me. You ask one question and suddenly they are telling you their whole life story. That’s a lack of boundaries in my opinion and it annoys me. I’m actually very annoyed by people who lack boundaries in life. I’m not suggesting that we build walls and close ourselves in. Healthy boundaries are the gates that control traffic in and out of our lives.

I’ve grown so much in my time in therapy and I honestly love my therapist for that. Therapy is a space that challenges me the most and I do that weekly. There is so much introspection that is required for a therapy session to be beneficial. After my sessions I go on to ponder more on what was discussed and any other thoughts it sparked in my mind. It’s a lot of work. I’m cautious of people who want to sponge off the hard work, time and money I invest in my therapeutic journey. Yes, there are people like that.

I’m in a really good space right now, all things considered. I’m taking my medication as prescribed to help manage the depression and anxiety. My therapist has done a great job making me feel great about needing all these interventions. I have judged myself very harshly in the past for this but I’m glad I’ve caught up with myself and I am now 100% on my side. I have many relationships that I treasure in my life but this 50-minute-a-week one is high up on my list of favorites.

I love my therapist SO much because of the most loving thing she’s done for us: boundaries! What a beautiful, beautiful thing. The people I’m upset with because they’ve let me down failed to set proper boundaries with me hence the expectations were distorted. I know exactly where I stand with my therapist because we have clearly defined boundaries that tell me what I can and cannot expect from her. I cannot expect her to come and help me nurse a hangover however should life happen I can ALWAYS count on her to be there, 50 minutes at a time. I’m so thankful for that space.

Her favorite thing to say is, “we’ll figure this out together”. And sure enough we always do. She’s helping me figure out life without the love of my life right now. There are no shortcuts with her. We take the long and only routes together and we always make it to the light. I am so grateful for her and the incredible support she offers me!