Sweet surrender.

I came to this hospital kicking and screaming. I did not want to be here. When I got to the hospital I told the nurses I wanted to go back home. They called my doctor and my therapist to let them know. My therapist called me to reassure me I would be okay and anything really to keep me here. I knew I was fighting a losing battle so I agreed to stay.

I’ve been trying to go back home every day since the day I arrived. I asked my psychiatrist if I could go home today and she said although she notes the improvement she’d like to keep me here for a little longer. Sigh.

“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”- Cheryl Strayed

That quote came to mind. Acceptance really is a small, quiet room. I walked out of her office defeated and with a new realization that I just had to give up trying to go home and surrender to this process. I didn’t land up here cos I had nothing else to do. I was sent here cos I was in a really bad state. I needed the help and my therapist made the call cos I was in no state to make it myself.

I am grateful I have trusted healthcare providers who make the important decisions for me when I’m unable to make them myself. I’ve decided that while I’m here I’ll be all here. 🌻