Of love, life’s loopholes and choosing easy.

It’s a Friday evening. I’m on the couch with my four legged baby. He’s passed out. He sleeps very early. I’m exhausted from waking up at 5am every day. My son is up at 5am and needs me to take him out to potty. That is definitely my least favourite part of being a mom. I wish my baby could use the toilet. It would save my life. I am so tired of waking up early first and then having to take a walk outside. I also hate having to get up to take him out when I have just found a comfortable sitting position on the couch.

But. With all that. I’m still happy and deeply grateful for my life.

I am SO in love with Ry you guys!! He is the light of my life. Sometimes when I’m walking with him outside on his potty trips I cannot believe he is mine! It’s just too amazing! That in the middle of an ordinary life I can love and be loved like this by a DOG!!! I swear there is NOTHING purer than the love of a dog. NOTHING. My dog has no ulterior motives. He just loves me. Even if I didn’t do half the things I do for him he’d still love me. Am I worthy of such love?! A love that thinks I’m perfect. Oh. My. Heart. I am so grateful he is mine and I am his!

And then. *drumroll* This is the fun part! I’m dating!! Nothing serious but dating nonetheless. So. I met this guy on tinder. A 29yr old Italian boy. He says I got him fresh off the plane cos we matched on a Sunday and he’d arrived that past Thursday. Talk about perfect timing!

We had our first date over a week ago and it was SO good! We just hit it off from the start. Amazing! And then last weekend we went on a road trip to Magaliesburg together. It was SO delicious!! I still need a slot on the news on National television to talk about that weekend. I was SO happy and just having a good time!

Our time together is short. He has to go back home to Italy sometime. And I have to admit that makes it so much more delicious. Knowing our time together is short. I made it clear on my tinder bio that I was looking for something casual. What I didn’t know was I was looking for someone who didn’t have that much time with me.

I’m telling you! I am SO into this!! It has the richness and depth of a long term delicious thing. But only for a short while. Listen. I feel like I’m cheating life somehow here. I feel like I’ve found a loophole in life’s contract.

Because I know it’s temporary there is no compromise to be made on my part. I don’t have to change my life to accommodate him. I’m still carrying on sharing my bed with my dog. Which I enjoy so much! Sometimes I share my bed with the Italian man but only for a short while. Eventually he leaves for his home. I get to carry on enjoying the luxury of sharing my bed with my little love.

I have pictures of the late love of my life around my house. I have no intentions of taking them down. A long term commitment on my part would mean those pictures will need to come down to make space for the new lover’s pictures. I’m not ready for that. I don’t even think I want that. At least not right now. So I get to have someone over and enjoy them the same way I enjoyed my boyfriend but without having to take my boyfriend out of the picture.

I don’t have to spend time with lover’s family cos it’s not that deep. So my time with boyfriend’s family is not affected. I am spending as much time as I want and like with them. And still get romantic affection from someone else.

I am enjoying the sweetness of a romantic affair without having to let go of my late love the way a serious relationship would need me to. For me meeting a new man I want to commit long term to means I have to let go of so much of my angel to make space for that commitment. But I don’t want to. I selfishly want to hold on to the love of my life. I don’t want to give of myself like that. It feels like asking for too much right now.

Also I have really settled into my single life and fallen in love with it. I do what I want when I want. I never have to think of anyone else when I make decisions. I only have my fur baby to think about. It feels selfish but so good! I love it! I care about my baby’s joy. Seeing him happy makes me happy. So I just basically invest a lot in my happiness.

I am enjoying my life. I don’t have to share my bed with someone. I like having the temperature be what is perfect for me in my bed. Imagine sharing a bed with someone who’s always feeling cold when you’re always feeling hot. Sounds like hell.

And recently I realized that my sizeable wardrobe is full of just my stuff. If I lived with someone we’d have to share that wardrobe. LOL *shudders* I love that every day I eat exactly what I want to eat and whenever I want to eat. I listen to whatever I want and watch whatever I want to watch on tv. I just live to please my fur baby and I.

I don’t want to give up this life. But I also want romantic love. And now I get to have both!!!!

I’m in heaven!! This is honestly the best case scenario for me! THE BEST. I never knew that this is what I needed. I’m not ready for long-term commitment yet. I don’t want it right now. And I don’t know if I’ll ever want it again. Time will tell. I am deliriously happy with this arrangement.

I honestly feel like I’m having my cake and eating it!! My body is being worshipped in ways I’d almost forgotten existed. And yet I don’t have to change my life in any way for all that goodness. There is no compromise to be asked of me! I don’t have to give up my life as I know it. It carries on as usual with a side of summer romance!! SO. GOOD!!!

Anyway. It feels like I’ve opted for easy mode on life here. I’m enjoying motherhood but the simple kind. I think mothering a human child is a lot of work. You can easily fuck up a human being. But I can never fuck up a dog. He’ll never end up on drugs or in jail. Lol The stakes are really low. I just feed him, walk him, pet him and that’s it! My whole duty as a mother done. So easy!

And then dating. I’m not trying to understand this man so well that I grow with him. LOL I’m not trying to impress him so much he commits to staying with me til’ death. We really just need to enjoy each other whenever we are together or when we talk over the phone. That’s it. And discover fun things to do in the country since he’s visiting. The stakes are super low!! We don’t have to put up with each other’s bs or understand our traumas and triggers. It’s really not that deep. You guys. Are you sure I’m not breaking a law somehow here? This feels too good to be legal and free.

Anyway. I need to take my baby out to potty. That’s my life now. Turns out once in a while life gets to be easy. And I’m so here for it!!

Happy Friday!