Nothing is in the way…

Photo by Kat Stokes on Unsplash

I occasionally complain about my job. I hate corporate life. If it was up to me I’d be reading and writing by a beach for a living. I’m not made for the corporate life. I’m just not wired for it. My one big, audacious dream is to write full-time. I am a writer. That’s the one thing that’s always called for my soul for as long as I’ve been alive. I get lost in my own world when I write. It fills me with unimaginable joy. The world feels like it’s standing upright when I write. Everything just makes sense when I write.

I’m very intentional about the jobs I take. I have no desire to build a corporate career. I don’t have a career to speak of. I take jobs. Jobs that pay my bills and afford me a comfortable life but most importantly don’t eat into my writing time. One of my worst nightmares is getting a senior role that is so demanding I don’t have time to write anymore. That would kill me. I’m not even playing. It would end my life.

You’ll never catch me talking about my job the way I hear some people go on about their jobs like that is their life purpose. It really is just a means to an end for me. That makes it easy for me to draw clear boundaries between work and my life. Work is not my life. I don’t have work emails or the God forsaken Teams on my phone. I don’t work overtime unnecessarily. I give enough to meet my KPIs and call it a day. My life’s work is to write. That’s what gets my highest attention.

I’ve been flirting with the idea of quitting my job to write full time. However, I’m honest with myself in that I want the money my job gives me. I’m not prepared to be a starving artist. So I have to play the long game here. Figure out a way to still get the money that I make now while I write full time. It won’t be a now thing. But it’s a goal I’m actively working towards. And besides, when I really break it down. All I want to do is to write and no one is stopping me from doing that. Each time I sit down to journal and/or blog, I am realizing my dream.

My job is definitely not in the way of my dreams. It makes me happy to know that. Often times when I’m frustrated with work it feels likes it’s standing in the way of my dreams. But it isn’t. I want to write and I am free to do so now with that job. My therapist gave me 3 simple rules. I can’t quit my job, break up with my boyfriend (when he was still alive) and/or uproot my life without talking to her first. I get really irrational when I’m frustrated. She knows that about me. So we have to discuss those things first to help put things into perspective for me.

She’s asked me to stay put for at least 6 months. It’s been a whirlwind since my angel passed on. So she’s asked me to not make any major decisions now. That’s why I’m still employed full time. If it wasn’t for her I’d have long quit and probably regretting by now. I’m thankful for her and the perspective she brings to my life. Cos honestly my job isn’t even in the way of my writing. Nothing is in the way if I’m being honest. I’m going to bed feeling lighter tonight with this realization.

--

--

I tell stories about my experience of being alive. Perpetually day dreaming of reading and writing by the beach

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
umzila kawulandelwa

I tell stories about my experience of being alive. Perpetually day dreaming of reading and writing by the beach