Not everything is about me

I unexpectedly received a wedding invite to my cousin and his fiancée’s wedding in my mailbox today. I was so happy for my cousin but as I read more I couldn’t hold back my tears. Weddings are a trigger for me. It’s what I wanted for my angel and I so they always remind me of my loss.

I allowed myself to feel all the feelings and cry. I give myself full permission to cry over my loss whenever I feel like it. Tears are cathartic. While I was crying I thought even if we’d gotten married he wouldn’t have lived forever. He still could have taken his own life smack dab in the middle of our married life. And marriage wouldn’t have lessened the blow.

He always used to remind me that not everything was about me cos I took too many things personally. I heard his voice in my head reminding me gently that not everything is about me. People aren’t falling in love and getting married to rub salt on my wound. It has nothing to do with me.

It’s sometimes hard but I’m trying my best to stay focused on my life and the path set before me. A path only I can walk. It is unfortunate that my path doesn’t involve growing old with the love of my life. But I have no doubt there’s still some beauty for me along the way. He gave me forever in 5 years. That alone is a gift.

Yes, my love. Not everything is about me. I love you. And thank you. For everything. ♥️