No one wants to hear that. Please and thank you.
I was very insecure in my late teens and my early twenties. I LOVED seeking advice. I remember one time feeling like I was all advised out and could not bear to hear anymore advice. I needed space and time to actually implement all the advice I’d gathered at that point. I stopped reading self help books. I was convinced there wasn’t any new advice left for me out there. All advice people were to give me was just different versions of the same thing so I didn’t wanna hear it.
I worked very hard to build my self esteem and confidence. I poured so much love and affirmation into me. I wrote myself letters upon letters. I can’t remember which year that was when I went through seven journals in one year. It was A LOT of writing. Writing for and to me. Writing that validated me, affirmed me and ultimately saved me.
I am now a 30yr old self assured woman. I have not done anything because someone thought it would be good for me. I visualized how I wanted my life to be at 30 and I think I nailed it. I wanted to be happy, surrounded by love, content with my life and full of joy. I knew I did not want any babies and/or a husband. Very crucial for me. And indeed I have no babies nor a husband. I do however have an incredible boyfriend- we are turning 5 in April and I couldn’t be happier. My life is actually brighter than I thought it would be.
Then there are people who made a few choices that turned out to not be so great for them down the line so they spend most of their time wishing they could go back and maybe change just one thing about their life for a better outcome. Those people LOVE giving advice! The worst part is you don’t even have to ask them. You tell them something you are planning on doing and they start drowning you in unsolicited advice. I hate those people.
I used to listen intently thinking they knew better or were somewhat wiser than me. However I really believe that NO ONE can know better about MY life than I do. I don’t care who they are. When it comes to me, only I am the expert. I started noticing a pattern. The advice was laced with regret. So basically I wasn’t being told what would be best for me. I was being told what would be best for the (unsolicited) advice giver if THEY were in my shoes. Ha. You have no idea how liberating that realization was for me!
I would like to argue that 99.9% of all unsolicited advice is just projections on you. Why else would someone think advice YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR would be OH SO IMPORTANT for you?! I hear a lot of people tell me what would be best for me and I make sure to forget whatever they said as soon as they say it because I’d like to make space for more important things in my head. I generally don’t like to look too deeply into other people’s lives because my own life demands my full attention but when someone starts bombarding me with advice I do not need and did not ask for I look at their life and wonder why they are not applying that advice to their life.
It annoys me. I know being unmarried and being childless low-key suggests that I am open to ANYTHING because I have “nothing holding me back”. However that doesn’t mean I just want to try anything and everything just for the sake of trying it. It may not be obvious to everyone probably because it isn’t anyone else’s business but my own but I really can make decisions for myself hey. I do not need anyone to think for me. I do that for myself on the daily and I’d like to keep it that way.
Don’t tell me how I should decorate my house, don’t tell me how I should dress, don’t tell me what career would be best for me, don’t tell me how I should be a better girlfriend to my boyfriend, don’t tell me how I should be a better friend to someone who isn’t yourself, don’t give me any advice I did not ask for. I don’t really ask for much advice these days cos I trust myself and my intuition more. I do get stuck in some situations and seek out advice. Only then do I welcome advice but only if it sticks to my question.
In the whole history of the world I don’t think anyone has ever liked unsolicited advice. We all hate it so if you are guilty of this, please quit it? I won’t lie, I am not above severing ties with someone if their only hustle is giving me advice I didn’t ask for. It’s annoying and seriously, NOBODY wants to hear it. You can’t live life twice. Once through yourself and twice through me. We all only have one life to live and that life demands our full attention.
In 2021 let’s mind the business that pays us. Please and thank you.
