Love abounds
I just got back from a weekend away with my aunts-in-love and one of the babies in the family. We were at a serene farm just the 4 of us. We slept on cushions in the lounge right next to the fireplace. It was beautiful. And perfect. That’s the farm my sweet love wanted us to get married at. It’s a family farm so we would have used the venue for free.
We went to see the farm the day he was cremated but I must have been in such a daze I didn’t realize just how gorgeous and how perfect that venue would have been for me to say “I do” to a forever with the love of my life. This time it felt like my eyes had been open. I was so aware of every tiny detail. Seriously, it was beautiful. Dare I say perfect even. The house is easily the most artistically pleasing home I have ever been to. I felt like for the first time I could actually picture my dream home just looking at that home.
You can tell whoever did the interior decor has an eye for beauty. It has a rustic feel to it as well which makes it even more charming. Oh my angel. He would gave given me the world if he could.
I was cuddling with either of the twin aunts who was closest to me each time we sat by the fire. Which was most of our time there. We gathered around the kitchen table as meals were being prepared. Each person knowing their role in the making of the meal. Have I mentioned how beautiful everything was? It was perfect. We had long, deep conversations, listened to music as loud as we wanted to as I’ve recently found out that it’s hard to make noise for your neighbors on a farm cos the farms are just toooo big to hear anything from your neighbor. How beautiful. And perfect.
A thought I’ve long held bloomed this weekend. That we don’t owe family shit. We share DNA not by choice and honestly if we had to choose we wouldn’t choose some of the people from our families. So I’m all fuck everybody, your family is who you choose intentionally not someone imposed on you by some random roll of the dice that determines who gets to be born where and by whom.
My boyfriend was my family. He really was. He was my chosen family. I keep thinking of some official document he put down my name on and the word partner next to it to describe our relationship. Partner. I always whisper that word quietly to myself at random times. Partner. He chose me to be his partner through this life and I chose him back. We were quite literally each other’s family. Not that everyone else didn’t count. Of course some will never count but him and I? We were each other’s chosen family.
I long chose my family from the random roll of the dice that decided who I would call family. I’m not one to follow rules simply cos they exist. I looked at the pool my DNA landed me in and decided quite confidently who got to be my family because I chose them and who didn’t. I feel like I have also chosen my family from my love’s random DNA pool he found himself in.
I am so grateful that power lies with me. I don’t put up with any bullshit in the name of family. You are only my family if I say you are. My close circle of friends is my chosen family. Reclaiming your power and freedom to choose who you want in your life makes life bearable and enjoyable even.
I just spent a weekend with people I am not related to by blood but I am bound to them by choice. How incredible is that?! My heart is SO full. My love may be gone but his love still very much exists. I found myself wrapped up in a warm and cozy blanket made up of my chosen family.
I am loved. Infinitely. There is no law saying whether his family should keep me or discard me. Ours was a soul bond. We chose each other. He left me creative freedom to decide on how I would proceed with his family after he was gone. And omg I have found my family and I love them, I love them so very deeply.
I am thankful for my chosen family that keeps choosing me too. I love you all. Words alone will never be enough to express my deep gratitude for and towards you all. I love you. There really isn’t anything more to add to that, Everything I do with and/or for you stems from my very deep love for you.
The love truly abounds in my chosen family. What a gift. I remain grateful for this life I’ve been blessed with.
I love you all.
