I only need to trust myself.

I am addicted to seeking advice. I want to succeed so bad that I’m always looking out for people who have achieved what I would like to achieve for myself and asking them how they did it. That seems pretty good and harmless I mean, what could possibly be wrong with seeking advice?

Here’s the thing. I ask for advice from people who are older than me and I ask mostly about the key areas I would like to succeed in. Money and career. I have received so much advice in my young life that I was starting to feel fatigued. I was getting conflicting advice and it was starting to feel like some people were imposing their wishes on me.

I do not blame people who try to impose anything on me because I am the one who went out seeking their opinions to begin with. But that was an important lesson for me. I had stopped trusting myself and relied completely on the advice people were giving me. It is not possible that there is a human being, outside of myself, who knows better about my life than I do.

“No one knows your personal truth. That is between you and God. No one can tell you. Of course, they can tell you what’s in the bible, they can tell you their opinion, they can give you wise counsel. But no one knows your personal truth like you do.”

So I took a step back. Assessed all the advice I was seeking and realized that it wasn’t so much the advice I needed but I was hoping to stumble upon someone who would give me what I so desperately desired; success, as I had defined it for myself. It has been said that, “There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” I don’t know why I thought there was a shortcut to success that some people knew about and by seeking advice upon advice I would eventually stumble upon it.

“Much of the counsel people give is based on their own experience and what God has shown them. Am I saying you shouldn’t ask for advice? Not at all. I still ask, and at times I still follow. But there are things that I know that maybe others in my life, whom I respect and trust enormously, don’t know.”

Truth is, there is no secret to success. The secret is there is no secret. There is nothing anyone can tell me that will quicken my journey to success. There is no shortcut. I have to walk the long and hard path and I have to trust myself while doing that. I admire the people who have reached the heights I would like to reach but even if they also desperately wanted the same for me they couldn’t possibly walk the journey for me.

“And I know only because of my personal experiences. I would not judge another who made the same choice I did, but for me it was not the right choice. Many times our experiences are different from one another. Not only in circumstance and detail, but in the way God speaks of his very individual relationship with each of us.”

I have to do my own walking as much as they have done their own. I am doing my own living as I will do my own dying. That is something I cannot outsource. Because all these people I look up to are older it means they have had the gift of time on their side. They have walked their walk and paid their dues and I am just beginning. It is unfair to myself to expect to have realized the same success as people who are ten or twenty years older than I am.

Now, I know my sin, I know my experience, and I know I have a personal relationship with God. I think you have to trust yourself. But of course, trust in self gets you you only so far. And so God sends his Holy Spirit to you. And then you know. And you trust.”

This has been such a word. I thought about it and I sat it with it for a while before I could write about it. I need to trust myself more. I am walking the path well. Heck, I AM on the right path. It may sometimes feel like I’m on the wrong path because it’s taking long but an issue of time doesn’t mean I’m on the wrong path. I’ve got to trust that.

You can trust without knowing the ending. You can trust when things don’t turn out the way you thought they would or when the results aren’t what you wanted. And for me there is pain in that truth. But pain has made me stronger. And that strength has given me the confidence to know that I know.” — excerpt from the book Transparent

I have no doubt the universe is rooting for me. Every day I confess that the universe wants to see me win. I trust that. Now I just need to learn to trust myself. There is no secret the successful people are hiding from me. There is nothing they could say or do to make me reach my goals faster. They will share what they did to get there but that will never mean I also have to follow the same path. My path is solely mine to walk. It is novel. No one has done my life before me. So no one has the answers for my life but me. I am the most qualified expert on issues relating to my life.

What relief that revelation has brought to me. I am currently on an advice fast. I am not asking anyone what to do with my life. I am journaling my goals, dreams and ideas. And trusting that I know what is best for me. I really know what is best for me. The universe guides me on what steps to take next and I can trust that because I know it supports me dreams. I am so excited for my life!

I tell stories about my experience of being alive. Perpetually day dreaming of reading and writing by the beach

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umzila kawulandelwa

I tell stories about my experience of being alive. Perpetually day dreaming of reading and writing by the beach