I don’t have it all together.

In my previous post I sound like I’m in control. Like I have a grip on this situation and I’m on top of things. Holding the urn with my boyfriend’s ashes today made me realize that actually I don’t have anything together. I feel so disoriented. My world has been turned upside down. And it hasn’t even been two weeks since his passing.

My days feel SOOOOOO long. Time is moving sooo slowly. I want to get to the end of this pain already. But the ONLY way out is through. So this is me making a commitment to go through it. However long it takes. Should anyone stumble upon my blog I don’t want my “strength” to be glorified. I don’t have it all together and that is okay.