Hello. Hi.

Does this thing still work? I mean, this blog. I haven’t written in a while because I simply didn’t feel like it and neither did I feel like I had anything to say to anyone that I couldn’t text directly.

Late last year I just felt like disappearing. I deleted all my social media accounts including LinkedIn. LinkedIn is just a dick measuring content if we’re keeping it 100. But that’s not the point. My point is I didn’t even wanna be on any site even a “professional” one.

I kept this blog only cos I think it’s hard to find if you don’t know I have one. Mostly cos my name is not spelt the way it actually is. So I’m guessing anyone looking for me would type out my name the way it’s actually spelt. And this blog wouldn’t come up. So that’s cool.

Also I really do enjoy writing. A lot. I journal just about every day. THAT is my spiritual practice. It keeps me sane and keeps me grounded. It’s very therapeutic for me. I love it.

Anyway, I was just reading a friend’s poems right now and that made me miss writing. Poetry was my first love. I still love it. But somewhere along the line I stopped writing poems. But I wanna get back to it.

I wanna do things for fun. I want to actively pursue joy.

So just before I turned 29 last year I blogged about how I’d felt like I’d wasted a decade living other people’s dreams for me and not my own. My 29th birthday gift to myself was actually pursuing something I’d wanted to do for a looooong time. Which is to study Psychology! I’m enrolled now at Wits as a part time student and omg. I cannot believe this is actually my life!

Like, right now I am living a life of my choosing?! Can you believe it! I’m doing it in honor of the long line of fierce women who came before me who were never given the option to choose their own lives. So my grannies, this is for you! And every woman in our bloodline who will come after me. I get to do this not just for me but for us! What a win!

My god. The women who came before were fierce, but even then they were denied choice. I’ve always known I didn’t want kids, so I don’t have any. I wasn’t sold on the marriage dream so while I have an amazing boyfriend I am still not married. I also decided I wanted to leave corporate to work at an NGO. I am working at an international one right now. You get my point? This is the life of MY choosing! I wanna lie flat on the cold floor and just cry at all this grace!

My experience with that hell that was depression was not wasted. My therapist and I are turning 4 this year. Life basically prepared me for my life. Can you believe it?! You guys. I am SO happy. SO thankful! Life has met me with SO much grace and SO much kindness. I could never say thank you enough.

I left everything that everyone told me would be great for me and dared to ask myself what would actually be great for me cos you know what? Only I know myself better. People can try and guess and give advice but ultimately NOBODY knows me like I know myself. So I’m telling you now, this is my f’n best life! The life of my choosing! And I am so thankful. So so thankful. I feel affirmed. I am standing strong in who I am and just trusting myself.

So much glory. This year I turn 30! Surreal. What a life! I am thankful!