Grief is not my purpose.

I remember writing the other day that I had to put my back into my grief because grief was my purpose. *Record scratch*. I’d like to correct that. I am sad and grieving but none of those things are my purpose. I was NOT placed on this earth just to be sad and grieve.

It is a bit blurry right now and I can’t quite make out what exactly is my purpose but grief and sadness are not it, thankfully. There is so much more to my life than this sadness. I may not see it but I have faith it is there.

I miss my boyfriend. I think about him every day. Sometimes those thoughts are accompanied by tears. But I’m trying to cherish our good times just like he said I should instead of fixating on his passing. There was so much more to him than just his death. He had a whole life before that dreadful day. He left me with enough memories to last me a lifetime. I want to dwell on those instead.

I will never hold back my tears. It’s just salt water. But it cleanses me from the inside. It heals me. It releases some of that pain. It makes it hurt a little less.

My angel’s love has outlived him. I am surrounded by SO much love right now. I feel it vibrating through my whole body and sometimes it radiates from me as well. What he left me with is such a gift. I will cherish our love for the rest of my life.

Grief is not my purpose. Love can be my purpose just not grief.

I love you forever my angel.