BIG love!!

Goodness. My heart! Do you guys remember what I dubbed the “smiling tour”? On Tshego’s last Saturday alive he took me to Soweto to show me where they once lived, granny’s house then we went to see his aunts then later to his uncle’s house. I smiled SO hard that day I dubbed it the smiling tour! It was such a beautiful day!

Anyway I retraced that path again today with my boyfriend. My heart. You guys. Love is SUCH a big deal alright!! Love is worth ALL the hype!! Goodness. What a thing!! The love that stretched to welcome me after my angel passed has now expanded to embrace my boyfriend and I. My heart.

I think I will be crying about this for the next few weeks. It feels like such a full circle moment. I was telling one of the aunts that my boyfriend is NOT Tshego’s replacement. Nobody could ever take Tshego’s place. Ever. In the same way that no one could ever take my boyfriend’s place. Ever. I’m not trying to compare my loves. I am saying they are both such special human beings that nobody could ever take their place.

I feel so unbelievably lucky. I feel like this guy has reached a part of me I had closed off without realising. It’s the tenderest part of my heart that I hadn’t really allowed anyone access to until now. My heart. I feel like I’m free falling. I feel like I’m free diving in the ocean. Goodness. I don’t have the language to express what I am feeling.

I am SO incredibly lucky. Goodness! So very lucky. It’s like my boyfriend’s heart has my heart’s AirTag. Like I have been searching and searching for my AirTag and finally I found it. What an intense, deep emotional connection we have. I highly recommend road trips as a first date! My heart. I never thought I’d ever have such an intense emotional connection with another human again.

For real. I thought this part of me was now reserved for dogs. I am SO happy to be proven wrong. Goodness. It is SO good!!! SO, SO good!

I believe in love with my ENTIRE being. My heart is wired for love. Love is hardcoded into my DNA. I am most myself when I am loving and being loved. It feels like having the sun touch my feet on a beautiful day by the beach with my favourite music coming through my headphones. I am happiest when my feet are warm!

I am SO happy. So deeply thankful to be here. I acknowledge that it takes immense courage to love again after loss. I am in awe of the fierceness of Sanele’s spirit and her resilience. Like. Who taught her to be SO brave?! Where did she learn this from? To love with such reckless abandon.

And also. For this man. To not only love Sanele but Tshego and his family. My heart. On Wednesday last week we had dinner with Tshego’s brothers. Guys love doesn’t die. Love will outlive us. I am so thankful to have found a man who understands love the way I do. I cannot believe he is real!! What a BIG love!! My heart. What a BIG love!!!

I cannot believe he’s real. My heart.