Are we busy dying?

SA Twitter has tributes flowing in for beloved Dr Sindi Van Zyl who passed away yesterday. My heart is SO sore. Why does it feel like the air is just thick with loss?! In the age of social media we find ourselves mourning the loss of people we never had the pleasure of meeting in real life but knew so much about based on their tweets and the testimonies of those who got to meet them in real life.

I won’t lie. The good doc’s passing has knocked the wind out of me. Everything hurts especially the finality of it all. I’m inclined to believe she knew she was about to leave us so that’s why she sent her loved ones personal goodbye messages. But still, it’s still so painful and so surreal. Death is just one of those things one just never gets used to. You can see it clearly coming and it will still knock the wind out of your lungs anyway (excuse the pun).

I really don’t have the right words to say except that this hurts so much. I can’t talk about with the people in my life because this isn’t someone I knew in person. I’d only spoken to her a couple of times over Twitter DMs and also WhatsApp when she so generously helped me deal with some tough situations in my life. She was THAT nice and kind. And generous.

We are such mortal beings, so fragile. We really can be here today and gone (forever) tomorrow. I was asking my boyfriend if he believes in an afterlife. He doesn’t. I do and I wonder if it isn’t because I just cannot accept the finality of death so I imagine that the dead carry on existing in another realm so it can lessen the blow even just a little bit.

Death is senseless. Life too. Cos how does life just end?! How does one just cease existing. Heart not beating. Un-alive. Just dead. Today I remember Daffy, my grandmothers, my grandfather and Pumpkin, a baby friend we lost when I was in grade 4 and she was much younger but we adored each other so much.

I don’t understand why I’ve had to live through their deaths. Why can something so painful just keep happening?! I’m so numb. I want to hold on to my loved ones a little closer but even that won’t make them live forever. However if there’s anything I learnt from the good doc is that one must live their life to the fullest. The goal is to die empty.

While a qualified medical doctor she also pursued adult ballet cos she loved it when she was younger, she realized her dream of working on radio, she drank lots of champagne, she traveled to her dream destinations, New York gave her back her life after surviving major depression, she took DJ lessons, she showed up for everyone, she loved people like her only mission in life was to love people. She loved her husband and her two beautiful and so young kids dearly. She LIVED.

May we also face our death with boldness knowing that we made the most of whatever time we got on earth. Life is short, but it can be wide. Dr Sindi’s life was indeed a short one but it was rich in breadth and depth.

May her family find comfort in this tragic time. What a blow to everyone who knew her. Her poor kids. Her husband. I can’t even imagine what they are going through. This is so senseless and so cruel. She battled with so much grief over the loss of her mother and now her kids have to go through the same thing except they are much younger. 😩

Wow. I really cannot wrap my head around any of this. It doesn’t make sense.

Fly with angels, Duchess of healing. Your work here on earth is done. 💛