A superhero, just in scrubs.
I’ve always had painful periods. Dysmenorrhea as they call it. From my very first period. It was the kind of pain that had me skip class when I was still in school and work when I started working. The pain just got worse with time. I remember when I was 20 I had this pain that had had me skip lots of tests in university. The GP I was seeing at that time just kept pumping Ibuprofen and paracetamol to manage the pain. And I wasn’t getting better.
One night I called my brother into my room at night while in excruciating pain and asked him to take me to the nearest hospital. We went to the emergency room where I was first tested for pregnancy. Listen, I understand why doctors do that but I was God’s little pure virgin by then. Anyway, they had to use a catheter to get my pee to test for that pregnancy cos for some reason I just couldn’t pee. The test was negative, duh. Only Mary the mother of Jesus could have tested positive at that point.
Anyway, I was given some strong painkillers and told to come back in the morning for a scan. My brother took me back to the hospital in the morning for a scan and they confirmed I had some abnormal growth and needed to see a gynecologist urgently.
So I started looking for a gynecologist who would accept my medical aid cos I was a student and did not have the money to pay cash. I wasn’t winning in my search until a friend who was helping me search eventually told me she had found a gynecologist who would take my medical aid. Bless my friend’s soul.
I called to book an appointment with that gynae. On the day I went, the gynae I was there to see wasn’t there but there was another one on duty. I said I’d see him. I was desperate for help.
I introduced myself, told him about my painful periods, how heavy they were and just how miserable my life was cos of my f’n reproductive system. He did a sonar scan and told me I had fibroids that would need surgery to remove. Ah. Finally, someone knew why I was in so much pain.
I reported back to my parents and both of them said no. They did not believe this doctor they just thought he wanted money from my surgery. My dad took time off work to drive me down to Botswana where my mom worked as a nurse so I could see a gynecologist she knew and get a second opinion. I still haven’t forgiven them for that. But asikho lapho.
The gynecologist asked if I wanted my mom in the room with me. I said no. Then he asked me boring questions then eventually did another scan and confirmed to my parents that the gynecologist I had seen was right. I needed surgery.
I hope my dad had shame when we drove back. I was still young-ish so I couldn’t tell if he had any shame for driving me down for so long just to confirm what I already knew.
I went back to the gynae and set a date for my surgery. The surgery was successful and I was impressed by how neat he had been cos my scar looked neat. My mom has scars from child birth that look like assault. My fibroids were right in my womb so I also had the normal c section surgery except it was fibroids they were getting out not a baby. Thank you Jesus.
I then just kept the gynae’s number and consulted here and there about painful periods. He put me on contraceptives to try and help. It didn’t work. Then he discovered I had endometriosis. Then he started treating that.
I didn’t care much about this doctor. I just knew he had really soft hands and was a nice person that’s all. But I stayed his patient. The hospital I used to see him at on Tuesdays shut down and now I had to travel a bit further to see him. But he seemed to know what he was doing so I didn’t mind the longer drive.
It wasn’t until last year when the heavy cloud of depression had lifted that I realized I’d been with my gynae for just about all my 20s. He knew I didn’t want kids so he advised me on different long term contraceptives I could get on cos the pill just wasn’t working for me. I got my first IUD at 24! Shout out to him!
I know some gynecologists who’d have had reservations about giving my 24yr old, unmarried self an IUD because to them that would be promoting promiscuity. But not my gynae.
Never has he questioned my decision about kids or tried to coerce me to change my mind. He goes with what I say. But of course he’s the doctor between us so he always takes me through all my options and then I make a decision. I respect that a lot.
Also, he doesn’t give a flying fuck what I do with my vagina. I feel respected, seen and understood when I consult with him. I was saying thank you to him recently for always taking my pain seriously. As black women we aren’t always afforded that. When we complain about any kind of pain we are called dramatic or weak because black women should be able to endure any and all kinds of pain, apparently. Bs.
I know it’s a doctor-patient relationship but it has since become one of my most treasured relationships. Life is short, man. I don’t want to die with those I held dear to my heart not ever knowing how much they meant to me.
So this is my very public thank you to my amazing gynecologist who’s been in my life for close to a decade now. I acknowledge people’s boundaries and always respect the context of all my relationships. But him being my doctor shouldn’t deprive him of my sincere gratitude for his dedication and passion for the work he does.
Every time I’m in surgery (he’s operated on me 4 times already) and he comes in his scrubs I just see a superhero. If you know me in real life you’ll know the healthcare profession is one I hold in high esteem and have such deep and profound respect for.
I don’t know if I would have hit it off with the gynae I was actually scheduled to see that day back in 2011. But I’m glad I met the one who’s still my gynae to this day.
And contrary to popular belief (I’m side- eyeing you black aunties) you don’t need to be pregnant to see a gynecologist. We are women not baby making machines. A gynae can treat many other things that have nothing to do with pregnancy. I’ve never been pregnant but I basically contribute 80% of this man’s monthly revenue. (I’m lying but you get my point)
Should I ever get pregnant he would also be the man to send that fetus back to its maker. That is very important for me. To be with healthcare practitioners whose values align with mine. I would never consult with a gynecologist who didn’t perform abortions cos of their personal beliefs. That’s bad doctor-ing in my opinion.
He has gotten to know me and my values with time. But never have I been made to feel uncomfortable by him because of some his own values. He really focuses on the job and does a damn good job at it! I wish more doctors could learn from him.
Keep your God and your morals/ethics to yourself and freakin’ practice medicine cos that’s what your patients pay you for. Should we ever need a sermon or prayer we’d know exactly where to go. But while in the consulting room, give us MEDICAL attention.
I was in hospital yesterday when I took that pic. Cos I’m proud of him and all his accomplished for himself as a medical doctor. And I’ll always thank my lucky for making our paths cross.✨ 🍀
Farmboy, makwande! You’re a damn good doctor! And I am grateful the universe picked you for me!
