A burst of life.

umzila kawulandelwa
3 min readJan 19, 2022
Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash

I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life. I wasn’t diagnosed with an anxiety disorder until I was 25. I got on medication and I’d pop pills 3 or 4 times a day just to get through the day. That was my life. I didn’t know any other life. Anxiety was a monster threatening to swallow me whole.

When my boyfriend passed the anxiety got really aggressive. I was reliant on anxiety meds to do basic things. My body was always sore cos of the anxiety. I was just always tired from all the constant worrying about everything. Sigh.

Then I met Anita. Anita is a kinesiologist I was referred to by my sister in law. I can’t explain what kinesiology is or how it works. I just know it works cos it worked for me. I went to see her cos I was weighed down by grief. She asked me some questions and ended with what I was hoping the sessions with her would do for me.

I told her top of my list was dealing with all the anxiety I was battling with. Grief I could handle. The anxiety however felt like it would end my life if I let it. So we got busy working to address the anxiety.

3 days after my session I realized that I’d been taking my anxiety meds out of habit but hadn’t felt anxious since the session. So I stopped taking them. I just never had to take them again. 😊

Yesterday I went to work at my late boyfriend’s home cos his family is my family. After work his aunt and I went for our daily walk. I came back home to shower, listened to an audiobook while I cooked then ended the day with some music.

It wasn’t until I was in bed that I realized how different my days had become! I used to go to work and come back home to get into bed. I was always exhausted. Anxiety wore me out. I would go through the day so tense that by the end of the day I had zero energy for anything.

I wasn’t happy about my life but I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. Until I was rid of the anxiety. I cannot explain what a kinesiologist does or how it works but I just know it worked and still works for me.

I feel like I got my life back. It is SO nice to have so much energy! I’m focused at work and when my 8hrs is up I’m able to go for an hour’s walk, spend time with loved ones, come home to cook, listen to a podcast/audiobook or read a book and still get 8hrs of sleep!

I did say my word and theme for the year is stability. Everything feels stable right now. I’m a huge advocate for sleep. I take care of myself by getting my 8hrs of sleep every day. I also stick to 8hrs at work. Balance. I devote time to my hobbies, my loved ones and just living my life.

I’m so happy with this new realization that I’m now having full days. It no longer feels like I live for work. I wrote about feeling like all I do is live for work. I’m so excited that it genuinely doesn’t feel that way anymore!

I work to live not live to work. Work is now just 8hrs of my day. I have 16hrs all to myself. With this new burst of life I intend to make my 16hrs a very rich 16hrs!

Cheers to life!

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umzila kawulandelwa

I tell stories about my experience of being alive. Perpetually day dreaming of reading and writing by the beach